words...

dearest blog,
I miss you. Sorry its been ages since I've polished your outside and fulfilled you with new entries. I have come to a bit of a plateau in life... where I am waiting for something to change, something to happen and in the meantime have decided there isn't too much to share. But my head must be far up my arse if i can't see the glorious everyday happenings occurring all around me. So I'll rant tonight and try to retrieve it tomorrow.

These days are filled with memories of yesterday and creating happenings today. I miss my friends, I miss their front doors and showing up at them at all hours of any day for a black cup of coffee, smoke break, conversation, cupcake, dog walk, hug, you name it...

I've been trying to be spontaneous as to manifest a "brilliant experience" for myself. Talking to strangers, inviting myself into acquaintances houses, staying out until the sun rises with people I barely know, strolling at midnight, planting trees with my neighbors...its been charming, but I am still open for a deeper connection- ready to laugh with someone who I feel like knows me until tears roll out of my eyes or snot comes flying out of their noses.

I am thrilled about the prospect of summer. Lying in the sun, getting outdoors and taking naps in wild grasses.

It would be mature of me to deeply appreciate the serenity and small sense of community that I have found in Wellington, but in reality I would be white-lying to myself... for I am restless and growing inpatient with myself and others. The people I've met seem to have there life's ball rolling and they are able to share moments (for which I am utterly grateful) , but I haven't found that partner in crime to climb trees with and go dancing with me. Those people for me seem to be at home, having fun on the west coast, mostly in Portland together. Which makes me oh so happy in the most bittersweet way.

*sigh* so for tonight I will send out an ESP message to my dearest friends and family wishing that I could be with you and that we could play for hours.

love always,
colleen k. d.

p.s. its probably just a small case of depression from the fact that Halloween has just passed, and I didn't celebrate in the slightest... except in my heart and spirit, for I did have a Halloween costume in tow with me that day in my backpack (nerd outfit... ie calculater, plaid shirt, striped tie, high wasted pants, hand sanitizer and ultra-dorky glasses) but it never saw the glow of the halloween moon, as I did not put on my costume and did not go out and in search of the coolest carved pumpkins on the block (as there are none here)